Confused? Eager to Know?
Have you consistently ended up with men who didn't see or bring out the best in you? Then take a deep breath- because you deserve a man who sees you and can love and nurture you the way you would want to.
But what if you've found yourself with a series of men who have been in some way negative, abusive, critical or controlling, or in some way seriously LACKING the kind of "relationship skills" that are necessary for a fulfilling relationship?
If so, it's possible that your own past, your thoughts and feelings are actually ATTRACTING the wrong men, and that you end up becoming ATTACHED and staying in these kinds of relationships for all the wrong reasons.
Your first step, if you're truly ready to put and end to this cycle, is this:
Starting saying "No!" and radically reject these kinds of hurtful behaviors from any man.
Yes - there are creeps out there.
It's your job, and yours only, to say "No!" and remove any man from your life who isn't showing you he's worthy of your love and attention. But when you keep going on with hurtful relationships... and you go through one disastrous relationship after another... the worst starts to happen for you. It starts to try and turn you into someone who acts fearful, protective and defensive around any man you meet.
Things will only get worse for you if you let the bad relationships from your past get into the driver seat when you finally meet a guy you could have a healthy relationship with.
**Quick Tip: Just because you've been happily dating a man for several weeks, months or even years... it doesn't automatically mean he is thinking or feeling "commitment", or seeking a deeper lasting expression of his LOVE.**
If you're like most women, then by experience you already know this to be true. And it scares you. You can spend time with a man, get close, become intimate and bond... and he can still NOT WANT to enter into a relationship with you. So why are so many men "unavailable"?
The short answer is because men have a different RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE for wanting to get "serious" with a woman... and a different way of seeing how love and an exclusive committed relationship comes together.
But what can you do with this?
The first thing you should know is... a man's "Commitment Tempo" (when he'll want to take things to the next level with you) has NOTHING to do with how long you've been together. Don't get yourself hung up on this like lots of other women who try and "convince" a man it's time because how ever many months have already passed and he SHOULD BE ready. Talking this way to a man is a great way to shoot yourself in the foot and encourage him to pull away.
What matters, and what works, is addressing where you both are in terms of your EMOTIONAL CONNECTION... instead of worrying and talking about TIME. If you've ever been with a man and shared something amazing for several months and grown closer and closer, but then he RESISTED and WITHDREW once you actually talked about how things were moving forward between you... then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Here's the secret:
A man doesn't commit to a woman in a conversation, or even with his words. It's something he just FEELS inside and wants for himself. Do you know what creates this DESIRE and FEELING inside a man? Now let's get down to what's really going on inside your heart when it comes to men and relationships.
Here's what I want to know first:
Why is it so clear and easy for other women to fall in love with a man, and for a relationship to effortlessly come together and grow...While YOU keep attracting all the men out there who are "unavailable" and SEEM great at first, but eventually get scared and just can't go "deeper" with you? Is this "unavailable" thing really a problem so many men are carrying around that gets in the way of love?
Could it also be that YOU play a part in finding men who are "unavailable"? And that you bring about that unavailable RESPONSE which is already lying there dormant inside even the most "evolved" men?
I want to share with you what could be a new and enlightening perspective on all this. There's an important realization all SMART and LOVING women I know end up coming to at some point in their love lives. It's a "light bulb" that suddenly just turns on... and when it does you instantly grow and see things with a new sense of CLARITY.
Unfortunately, most women only come to this important realization AFTER they've been through the pain and frustration of doing everything they can think of to "revive" their relationship and failing. I'll tell you what this REALIZATION is-
It's that when you're with a man who is feeling or acting UNCERTAIN with you... even if you could give him an "ultimatum" that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that YOU WANT...
A man who moves ahead in his relationship with you because you asked him or demanded it isn't very vested in the relationship. This kind of situation is a very "weak" and dangerous place from which to enter into a loving relationship.
Especially for you as a woman who likely wants a man who is truly COMMITTED to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level.
Knowing this, let me ask you...
**Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman ASKS THEM?
Or does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for being and feeling this way?
It's a VERY IMPORTANT question.
If you've had one or more relationships where you were ready for "more"... but the man you were with was seeming to drag his heels, or just not care about your relationship... and you tried to make it work but it only seemed to BACKFIRE- then this question could be one of the most important questions you ever ask yourself.
So as a bit of homework, I want you to stop for a second and THINK ABOUT IT...
Do men truly COMMIT and choose to love and become truly loyal, caring, and affectionate just because a woman ASKS IT OF THEM?
Does a man need to have HIS OWN REASONS for truly feeling and being this way with you, if it's going to LAST?