What Your Feelings Are Telling Him
The short-lived emotional outbreak that was only a big deal to you at the time, finds a way to screw up the great situation that you have going.
What's going on here with how men react? Why do some men make such a big deal out of having strong feelings, caring so much and wanting to talk and share? The truth is, doing these things is showing the man that you're EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
And nothing says "RUN" to a guy more clearly early on than these intense negative emotional "episodes" and an out-of-control partner. Let me remind you of something important...
When most women start dating a great guy, they have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and BELIEFS about where things are going and how they might work out. These are common, satisfying and exciting thoughts.
And often times, it's the power of these positive feelings that are the catalyst in helping women look past the FEARS and NEGATIVE FEELINGS from past situations and move into something new.
In other words, these POSITIVE FEELINGS and BELIEFS become the driving forces to "try it again." In this situation, lots of women tell themselves in the back of their minds:
"I'm smarter now."
"This time it's different."
"I'm over that bad period of my life where I let jerks and immature 'boys' mess up my life."
"This guy wouldn't hurt me the way that other jerk did."
But the reality is that lots of women who tell themselves this aren't actually "different" or "smarter" at all. The only thing that's changed is the scenery. Instead, they still carry the FEARS and NEGATIVE BELIEFS that hold them back from creating new situations and experiences in their lives.
But then it happens... In the new situation, with the new guy, things suddenly stop being so easy, so new and so "perfect." And eventually something seems "off" or goes wrong here too with the new guy, even if it's something small.
All the old fears and negative beliefs come rushing back out of nowhere. That familiar sick feeling in the stomach is back. The guy problems they thought they had left behind followed them here too. So they FREAK OUT.
They become anxious and those voices start playing in their head again. "There must be something wrong with me." "There are no good men... they're all selfish jerks and I'll never find one who gets me and can really love me for who I am." "I'll never find true love, so I should just give up and stop putting myself through so much pain."
I bet you've got a few of your own here to add to the list from that negative voice in your head. We all do. And you know what? All of these are utter and total CRAP. Here's what I've learned about these voices. When these negative voices start getting louder, most women leave behind the confidence, "positivity" and optimism they had with a man that helped create the great situation in the first place. And they literally become DRIVEN by fear. All the goodwill disappears and is replaced by defensiveness and negative sensitivity. This is what it's like having ZERO control of
your emotions. And guess what?
This is 100% "GRADE A" MAN REPELLENT. Men do not want to get involved or committed to women who act emotionally dependent from the start and "lose it" at the first sign of difficulty. When most women see the first signs of trouble or that a man is acting "non-committal" after becoming close and "invested" in the situation, they FREAK OUT inside. When a man doesn't call back or starts to withdraw, they get upset and afraid and act in fear.
When a man doesn't share the same feelings at the same time in the same way, they become nervous and unsure in everything they do with a man. The point I'm making here is that if you allow yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in situations with men, and dependent on their behaviour for your emotional state, it will screw you up.
And even worse than letting your emotions control you and your behavior is trying to TALK men through all of the emotions and fears. This is a nail in the coffin. Think about it for a second...
Most men don't even talk through their feelings or fears with their BEST FRIENDS. Men prefer to confront, challenge, ignore or break through fear in some kind of masculine way. Anything but observe or share fear. It's not part of their make-up. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's the truth. Get where I'm going with this? But hold on a second.. Emotions are GOOD, right? Shouldn't we listen to them and respect what they're telling us? Doesn't a man need to be there for his woman if she's going through something?
Aren't emotions the thing that allow us to really EXPERIENCE life in a deep, rich and meaningful way? And isn't it wrong and harmful to try and "control how you feel?" Isn't it better to just "be who you are" and not beat yourself up because you feel or think about things in a certain way? And wouldn't ignoring or avoiding your feelings turn you into someone you're not? Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say "I can't help the way I feel"...? We all have. We even have TERMS that we use to describe when we're overly upset and just need to "get it out." We call it "venting" or "dumping." I call it the "drama vomit." lol
So here's the question I'm getting at...Is it "OK" it to be upset, to get emotional, and to show EXACTLY how you feel inside with men?
YOU CREATE WHAT YOU SHARE
To make things simple, let's put emotions into two categories...
There are those that you could consider "positive" emotions or those based in "joy."
And then there are "negative" emotions. or those based in "fear." In other words, there are the emotions that make you "feel good" and emotions that make you "feel bad." We all know that emotions aren't "self-contained." Isn't it frustrating when you feel angry or down and you just want a man to hear you and listen to you - but then they get all wrapped up and intense just because you wanted to share? Well, if you've ever had this happen to you and you got frustrated or angry about it, then you've got something important to learn. Emotions are CONTAGIOUS.
In other words, when you feel an emotion, you can very easily pass what you're feeling on to the person you're sharing it with. And the stronger you feel the emotion, the more it will "override" the other person and get them on your emotional level. Even if their level is CONSTRUCTIVE and POSITIVE and yours is DESTRUCTIVE and NEGATIVE. And when an emotion starts to become too strong, it literally TAKES OVER your mind and body. Then you're driven with your body language and your words to share that feeling.
In some situations, this can be a very powerful, POSITIVE thing for a person.
Imagine your favorite actor or singer giving a world-class performance...
It can be an amazing experience when they allow their emotions to take over. And you get to go there with them. But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE thing as well.
Have you ever been spending time with a guy and he became LESS CONNECTED to you as you were becoming MORE CONNECTED to him. It probably made you so nervous, anxious and out of control that you made yourself sick. When an emotion becomes so strong that it actually "becomes you", your behavior and your sole motivation... then you're out of control. Emotions can actually trick you into trying to CONTROL others, just to get back to where you feel comfortable.
And instead of simply communicating what it is that you're going through and what you want, you actually try and make the other person FEEL the bad things that YOU FEEL.
And sure, the short-term payoff for this is usually some sense of immediate relief or resolution. You get your feelings off your chest and get to release them, which can feel great at the time. But the long-term effects aren't so sunny.
So let me ask you...
What if your quality of life and your relationships could be BETTER than the negative emotions and fears that hijack your mind?
What if you made a man feel a deep sense of LOVE instead of sharing the contagious NEGATIVE EMOTIONS that come from your fears? And what if you broke out of those same old patterns that keep happening again and again?