Ways To Identify & Attract A Great Guy
If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and ATTRACTING great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain. You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly work for men, and what to do about it. Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or "game?" And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing? It's frustrating and annoying, right? Does it have to be so much work. Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.? Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game...if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man. I'll repeat that. It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM. Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU. Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you? Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some "physical attraction" for you, and a man who becomes almost INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level? I'll give you a minute to think about the question... Got it yet? Give up? The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or "strategy" just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or "strategies" on how they go about finding and creating love,connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working. So how can YOU change your ideas and "strategies" to find and create a strong love connection that really LASTS? I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the "casual dating" stage. Then we'll look at the "deeper" kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific "how-to's" that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men? And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or "issues" that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also h ad that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him. And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings. Ouch! Don't go to that negative place. The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place with a man - a place that you know is there for you. Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT. Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them. Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets "filtered" through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels. So what impression are you making? Do you know? And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make? Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number. When this happens for a man, it generally means one of several things:
- "I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you..." (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
- "I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime..." (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't "feel it" yet, even though there's a "logical" or rational connection or bond with things in common)
- "I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me..." (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
- "I feel attracted to you, and maybe "something more"... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about..." (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start. NOT finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that women make because they invest a TON of their precious time and energy with a guy who has no plans for having a deeper,
loving, lasting relationship.
So... you may want to read that last sentence again -- it's ESSENTIAL to achieving success in the next relationship you start with a man. Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, "bitchy," pushy, etc. with guys. And often times, women will say something like, "I don't want to scare him off..." Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the "real deal" early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get "scared off"
IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way. The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away. In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response. But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their
experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the "IF" there... "IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way." It makes all the difference. So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication.
(Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in? It's fascinating to watch men and women
communicate, because up to 90 percent of the things we learn and identify about each other happens through silent, indirect communication. But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know. Like whether he's genuinely ATTRACTED to you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's "out." One great question I've heard women ask men is, "What kind of woman do you respect?" Asking this question in a playful way sets the right tone for a man to respond in a way that creates attraction without putting a man "on the spot." This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds. But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an "agenda," such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well. (But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly -CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key "attitudes" and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with. When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and "ways of being," they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why. In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE. I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her. No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
The way that YOU answer questions in that initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER attraction. A great example is when a man asks, "So, what do you do?" Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very "nice" and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction: "I'm an accountant andI run spreadsheets to calculate P&L." Or, "I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah..." But wait... these are interesting things about
you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be JUST FRIENDS. And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you. Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does. Following me here? Good. So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...Tell him some made-up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
In case you didn't realize it, men will have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away. If you think about the animal kingdom, the female of the species usually selects her mate by either accepting or rejecting the male's advances and courtship behaviors. The same pattern has gone on with humans for
hundreds and thousands of years. By "playing the courtship game" with a man, you are appealing to deeply ingrained patterns within him -- things that he is not even consciously aware of.
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him "I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men." And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, "How many drinks have YOU had?" Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and JUMP into the fun with you... and he'll
probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch. And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him. Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
Now back to it... I'd like to answer the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her? Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more. So what is that "something more" than Physical Attraction? It's what I call "Intellectual Attraction" and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will
have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all "the work" in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man. If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both. So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men. Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your "hard work," but from the man feeling so attached and "into" you that he'll be leading you both forward.
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and ATTRACTING great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain. You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly work for men, and what to do about it. Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or "game?" And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing? It's frustrating and annoying, right? Does it have to be so much work. Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.? Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game...if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man. I'll repeat that. It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM. Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU. Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you? Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some "physical attraction" for you, and a man who becomes almost INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level? I'll give you a minute to think about the question... Got it yet? Give up? The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or "strategy" just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or "strategies" on how they go about finding and creating love,connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working. So how can YOU change your ideas and "strategies" to find and create a strong love connection that really LASTS? I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the "casual dating" stage. Then we'll look at the "deeper" kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific "how-to's" that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men? And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or "issues" that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also h ad that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him. And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings. Ouch! Don't go to that negative place. The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place with a man - a place that you know is there for you. Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT. Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them. Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets "filtered" through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels. So what impression are you making? Do you know? And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make? Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number. When this happens for a man, it generally means one of several things:
- "I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you..." (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
- "I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime..." (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't "feel it" yet, even though there's a "logical" or rational connection or bond with things in common)
- "I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me..." (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
- "I feel attracted to you, and maybe "something more"... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about..." (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start. NOT finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that women make because they invest a TON of their precious time and energy with a guy who has no plans for having a deeper,
loving, lasting relationship.
So... you may want to read that last sentence again -- it's ESSENTIAL to achieving success in the next relationship you start with a man. Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, "bitchy," pushy, etc. with guys. And often times, women will say something like, "I don't want to scare him off..." Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the "real deal" early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get "scared off"
IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way. The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away. In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response. But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their
experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the "IF" there... "IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way." It makes all the difference. So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication.
(Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in? It's fascinating to watch men and women
communicate, because up to 90 percent of the things we learn and identify about each other happens through silent, indirect communication. But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know. Like whether he's genuinely ATTRACTED to you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's "out." One great question I've heard women ask men is, "What kind of woman do you respect?" Asking this question in a playful way sets the right tone for a man to respond in a way that creates attraction without putting a man "on the spot." This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds. But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an "agenda," such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well. (But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly -CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key "attitudes" and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with. When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and "ways of being," they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why. In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE. I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her. No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
The way that YOU answer questions in that initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER attraction. A great example is when a man asks, "So, what do you do?" Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very "nice" and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction: "I'm an accountant andI run spreadsheets to calculate P&L." Or, "I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah..." But wait... these are interesting things about
you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be JUST FRIENDS. And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you. Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does. Following me here? Good. So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...Tell him some made-up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
In case you didn't realize it, men will have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away. If you think about the animal kingdom, the female of the species usually selects her mate by either accepting or rejecting the male's advances and courtship behaviors. The same pattern has gone on with humans for
hundreds and thousands of years. By "playing the courtship game" with a man, you are appealing to deeply ingrained patterns within him -- things that he is not even consciously aware of.
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him "I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men." And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, "How many drinks have YOU had?" Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and JUMP into the fun with you... and he'll
probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch. And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him. Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
Now back to it... I'd like to answer the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her? Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more. So what is that "something more" than Physical Attraction? It's what I call "Intellectual Attraction" and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will
have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all "the work" in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man. If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both. So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men. Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your "hard work," but from the man feeling so attached and "into" you that he'll be leading you both forward.
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Thanks for reading =)