Secrets to Nurture New Relationship
Let me share an important insight about relationships, and a few tips with you. I'll start here:
What do you think is the single most important thing that makes or breaks your new relationship? I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created and shared between you both... the single most important part of your new relationship is the level of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
I'll get right to the point regarding how this important part of relationships is working out for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life communicate make you feel loved and appreciated? Or does it only frustrate you and make you feel sad, alone, and misunderstood? If you don't know what to say to a man to start open conversations about your relationship and the feelings you're both having without triggering him to pull away... then creating a real relationship where you can truly love and support each other is going to be an impossible struggle. There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and share his feelings with you... even if he's never been this way before in a relationship? The reality is, most men don't just open up and communicate the way you want and need them to. And because of this, lots of women end up trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing all the "work" in their relationship. Of course, this just drains you and encourages the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more. The things that allow you and a man to listen, hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in your relationship. Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each other, it doesn't mean you're going to have the kind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOT going to make the lack of communication and sharing you have in your relationship better. But you're thoughtful and generous for trying this and caring enough to give even more of yourself. Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the point of frustration and emotional break-down isn't going to help you - or him. So then what should you do? There are a few essential "keys" to building an "open line" of communication in your relationship with a man that will prevent him from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming distant no matter what happens between you. Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with a man (even the most intense ones that scare you too) so that instead of getting irritated or freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive and understanding way? I've been able to boil down the complex process of what makes talking and communication in your relationship work so that the more you share - the more a man is drawn to you and wants to give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is the "hidden message" behind what you're saying to a man that even you aren't fully aware of - but have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and the response deep down you really want from him. Each time you try and share something with a man, and each time he responds to you (or doesn't)... there's a subtle message being communicated under the surface. And this is going on even if you don't see this right now, or believe it's there or not. Each communication has what's called a "bid" to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" that is what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now" and do it with a tone of voice that shows he's frustrated or annoyed. This is a "bid." What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is- "I don't know if I have the ENERGY and the desire to get into this with you, because I'm afraid it will turn into some big emotional thing, and I'm not willing to go there with you now." Of course, most men aren't even fully AWARE that this is what they're feeling or communicating. It's just their instant EMOTIONAL RESPONSE that isn't entirely conscious and thought through.
Help the man in your life be the one who can truly hear you and recognize and care for you and your feelings... and get HIS NEEDS MET at the same time. Once you learn how to do this, you will instantly become that amazing woman a man feels relaxed, open and "free" around. Translation - the woman he wants to STAY WITH. Close the gap between your feelings and what the man in your life "gets" about you. Don't wait for things to fix themselves... or keep waiting for a man to finally "get it" when he hasn't figured it out after all this time and effort.
Does what you do and say with the man in your life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open up in a way he never has before with a woman? Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by a woman? Think about him for a second... and try and put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds... Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here too... and how to get them heard. I'm going to share with you a few inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you could accidentally be getting in the way of the great connection the man in your life feels when he's with you. If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right way, it can be the foundation for creating a great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit to with him. If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned, or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and questioning... then starting a real relationship with a man is going to be practically impossible. I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and what he wants in a relationship with you before he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you share and discover what it means to HIM is a sure fire way to ruin a good thing.
Please... don't do it. The problem is, most women don't CONSCIOUSLY choose to put the cart before the horse with a man. It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action and take over. There's nothing wrong with having your feelings, or with sharing them. It's healthy and important to share what's on your mind and how you feel. But HOW you share what you think and feel with a man is what makes all the difference. I'm going to show you how, without knowing it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you in the first place, he'll do something that can easily spell the beginning of the end- He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and question EVERYTHING about whether you're the right woman for him to be with and STAY with. Which brings me to an important question I want to ask you. And please, answer this as honestly as you can... as this is something that can help you immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and pulling away from you... could it be possible that something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you? And that the more you sense his hesitation and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants to stay in your relationship... the more you subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear and do things that only push him farther away? Don't accidentally show a man things that will unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a "casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only want to be with you as long as it's easy and convenient for him. I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and committed, but only be thinking of you "for now." On the other hand... if you know the right things to say and do that will instantly show him that you're the kind of woman who he would be better off with than without... then he'll quickly shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a guy interested at first... but HARD to find that one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and connection into a great and lasting relationship that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his mind, then it's time you stopped the common pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new "relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this man than it was with "the others"... even though he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken (again) when you find your back in the same place you swore you wouldn't get into after your last relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes early on when "dating" and in new relationships that literally cause a man to shift his thinking and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his "freedom" and not being "ready" for a real relationship. Don't let this happen to you, when you know you are finally with the right man and you just need to get your relationship to the right place for love to keep blossoming. It doesn't have to work this way where a man always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what really works with a man and what the few simple things are a man needs to see, feel, and experience with you along the way so that he doesn't question wanting to be with you and only you. Don't keep making the single biggest mistake that causes a man to react and bring an early end to your growing relationship. I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure is the right one for you... you can just feel it. When you're together, you feel more comfortable than you can remember feeling with any man. You feel like you've known this man most of your life... even though you've only just met. And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's no doubt in your mind - this could be the right one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice little groove of spending most of your time together and practically living your lives as one. But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks or months. And then it happens-He does something that let's you know he might not be truly "in this" with you. Something about how he talks or acts tips you off to the fact that something has changed or shifted about him. So what do you do...You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting weird and different... and you tell him that it's kind of freaking you out and hurting your feelings. You expect him to listen, hear you, and respond in the sweet and loving way you've known him to be the whole time you've been with him. But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've never seen before. Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer affectionate, and you can tell he's holding back and closed off to you. You decide to ask him what the deal is, and what this relationship means to him. You've got to know. Especially since your heart is out there on the line... and who knows what's really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how he's feeling... and the more you want to let him know what's happening for you with all this... the less he's open to talking. In fact, the less he even wants to spend time with you - where before he wanted to be with you whenever he had free time. Now he's off wanting to hang out with his friends, or leaving town, etc. Or worse, you learn he's out with another woman. Argggh... what a jerk! You can't help wonder what in the world is going on here, and inside his mind. And then it hits you after him pulling away completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a great relationship, and you felt how real and special what you shared was... this wasn't a "real" relationship at all. He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his behavior now shows you that it was this way all along. You just didn't see it before. But he seemed so into you and your relationship, so how could he have all of a sudden changed his mind and pulled away? Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an amazing and special connection with her that he's never shared with another woman... and he can have no desire to get into a "relationship" with her. Even after several weeks or months of amazing time spent together. For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal a relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment" In His Heart
There's something important you need to know about men and how they "date." A man can be with a woman, have very strong feelings for her, and want to spend all his time with that woman... and be completely content with the situation only being something he wants to be in "for now." A man can even say that he cares for and loves a woman... but still only have that "for now" feeling. On the other hand, when a man feels a different set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings where when he builds a relationship with a woman, it's not with the intention of doing it just "for now"... but FOREVER. Now that you know about these 2 important aspects of how men think... I think you're ready to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship". I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a man in a way that tells him she's already in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they ever have one and the man has developed the feelings and the desire to truly commit when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in a long-term committed relationship has of a man, but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant attraction killer for a man. Not only does it kill the attraction a man feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving ahead in a more serious relationship. By the way, you've already heard men talk about women who make the Instant Relationship mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about all this. This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes just referred to by men as a woman being "needy" or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling these things about a woman goes much much deeper than just words and names. If you want a man to stay open to you and to creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will grow and last... then I have one simple piece of advice- Now that you know what the Instant Relationship is, and all the behavior that goes along with it that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like you're in an instant relationship with a man. That is, unless you want to send him running for the hills.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere - when you can quickly shift things into gear with a few small changes that will have the man you want PURSUING YOU for a relationship. =)
What do you think is the single most important thing that makes or breaks your new relationship? I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created and shared between you both... the single most important part of your new relationship is the level of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
I'll get right to the point regarding how this important part of relationships is working out for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life communicate make you feel loved and appreciated? Or does it only frustrate you and make you feel sad, alone, and misunderstood? If you don't know what to say to a man to start open conversations about your relationship and the feelings you're both having without triggering him to pull away... then creating a real relationship where you can truly love and support each other is going to be an impossible struggle. There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and share his feelings with you... even if he's never been this way before in a relationship? The reality is, most men don't just open up and communicate the way you want and need them to. And because of this, lots of women end up trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing all the "work" in their relationship. Of course, this just drains you and encourages the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more. The things that allow you and a man to listen, hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in your relationship. Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each other, it doesn't mean you're going to have the kind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOT going to make the lack of communication and sharing you have in your relationship better. But you're thoughtful and generous for trying this and caring enough to give even more of yourself. Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the point of frustration and emotional break-down isn't going to help you - or him. So then what should you do? There are a few essential "keys" to building an "open line" of communication in your relationship with a man that will prevent him from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming distant no matter what happens between you. Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with a man (even the most intense ones that scare you too) so that instead of getting irritated or freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive and understanding way? I've been able to boil down the complex process of what makes talking and communication in your relationship work so that the more you share - the more a man is drawn to you and wants to give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is the "hidden message" behind what you're saying to a man that even you aren't fully aware of - but have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and the response deep down you really want from him. Each time you try and share something with a man, and each time he responds to you (or doesn't)... there's a subtle message being communicated under the surface. And this is going on even if you don't see this right now, or believe it's there or not. Each communication has what's called a "bid" to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" that is what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now" and do it with a tone of voice that shows he's frustrated or annoyed. This is a "bid." What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is- "I don't know if I have the ENERGY and the desire to get into this with you, because I'm afraid it will turn into some big emotional thing, and I'm not willing to go there with you now." Of course, most men aren't even fully AWARE that this is what they're feeling or communicating. It's just their instant EMOTIONAL RESPONSE that isn't entirely conscious and thought through.
Help the man in your life be the one who can truly hear you and recognize and care for you and your feelings... and get HIS NEEDS MET at the same time. Once you learn how to do this, you will instantly become that amazing woman a man feels relaxed, open and "free" around. Translation - the woman he wants to STAY WITH. Close the gap between your feelings and what the man in your life "gets" about you. Don't wait for things to fix themselves... or keep waiting for a man to finally "get it" when he hasn't figured it out after all this time and effort.
Does what you do and say with the man in your life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open up in a way he never has before with a woman? Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by a woman? Think about him for a second... and try and put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds... Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here too... and how to get them heard. I'm going to share with you a few inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you could accidentally be getting in the way of the great connection the man in your life feels when he's with you. If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right way, it can be the foundation for creating a great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit to with him. If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned, or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and questioning... then starting a real relationship with a man is going to be practically impossible. I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and what he wants in a relationship with you before he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you share and discover what it means to HIM is a sure fire way to ruin a good thing.
Please... don't do it. The problem is, most women don't CONSCIOUSLY choose to put the cart before the horse with a man. It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action and take over. There's nothing wrong with having your feelings, or with sharing them. It's healthy and important to share what's on your mind and how you feel. But HOW you share what you think and feel with a man is what makes all the difference. I'm going to show you how, without knowing it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you in the first place, he'll do something that can easily spell the beginning of the end- He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and question EVERYTHING about whether you're the right woman for him to be with and STAY with. Which brings me to an important question I want to ask you. And please, answer this as honestly as you can... as this is something that can help you immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and pulling away from you... could it be possible that something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you? And that the more you sense his hesitation and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants to stay in your relationship... the more you subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear and do things that only push him farther away? Don't accidentally show a man things that will unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a "casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only want to be with you as long as it's easy and convenient for him. I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and committed, but only be thinking of you "for now." On the other hand... if you know the right things to say and do that will instantly show him that you're the kind of woman who he would be better off with than without... then he'll quickly shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a guy interested at first... but HARD to find that one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and connection into a great and lasting relationship that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his mind, then it's time you stopped the common pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new "relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this man than it was with "the others"... even though he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken (again) when you find your back in the same place you swore you wouldn't get into after your last relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes early on when "dating" and in new relationships that literally cause a man to shift his thinking and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his "freedom" and not being "ready" for a real relationship. Don't let this happen to you, when you know you are finally with the right man and you just need to get your relationship to the right place for love to keep blossoming. It doesn't have to work this way where a man always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what really works with a man and what the few simple things are a man needs to see, feel, and experience with you along the way so that he doesn't question wanting to be with you and only you. Don't keep making the single biggest mistake that causes a man to react and bring an early end to your growing relationship. I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure is the right one for you... you can just feel it. When you're together, you feel more comfortable than you can remember feeling with any man. You feel like you've known this man most of your life... even though you've only just met. And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's no doubt in your mind - this could be the right one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice little groove of spending most of your time together and practically living your lives as one. But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks or months. And then it happens-He does something that let's you know he might not be truly "in this" with you. Something about how he talks or acts tips you off to the fact that something has changed or shifted about him. So what do you do...You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting weird and different... and you tell him that it's kind of freaking you out and hurting your feelings. You expect him to listen, hear you, and respond in the sweet and loving way you've known him to be the whole time you've been with him. But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've never seen before. Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer affectionate, and you can tell he's holding back and closed off to you. You decide to ask him what the deal is, and what this relationship means to him. You've got to know. Especially since your heart is out there on the line... and who knows what's really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how he's feeling... and the more you want to let him know what's happening for you with all this... the less he's open to talking. In fact, the less he even wants to spend time with you - where before he wanted to be with you whenever he had free time. Now he's off wanting to hang out with his friends, or leaving town, etc. Or worse, you learn he's out with another woman. Argggh... what a jerk! You can't help wonder what in the world is going on here, and inside his mind. And then it hits you after him pulling away completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a great relationship, and you felt how real and special what you shared was... this wasn't a "real" relationship at all. He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his behavior now shows you that it was this way all along. You just didn't see it before. But he seemed so into you and your relationship, so how could he have all of a sudden changed his mind and pulled away? Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an amazing and special connection with her that he's never shared with another woman... and he can have no desire to get into a "relationship" with her. Even after several weeks or months of amazing time spent together. For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal a relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment" In His Heart
There's something important you need to know about men and how they "date." A man can be with a woman, have very strong feelings for her, and want to spend all his time with that woman... and be completely content with the situation only being something he wants to be in "for now." A man can even say that he cares for and loves a woman... but still only have that "for now" feeling. On the other hand, when a man feels a different set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings where when he builds a relationship with a woman, it's not with the intention of doing it just "for now"... but FOREVER. Now that you know about these 2 important aspects of how men think... I think you're ready to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship". I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a man in a way that tells him she's already in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they ever have one and the man has developed the feelings and the desire to truly commit when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in a long-term committed relationship has of a man, but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant attraction killer for a man. Not only does it kill the attraction a man feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving ahead in a more serious relationship. By the way, you've already heard men talk about women who make the Instant Relationship mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about all this. This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes just referred to by men as a woman being "needy" or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling these things about a woman goes much much deeper than just words and names. If you want a man to stay open to you and to creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will grow and last... then I have one simple piece of advice- Now that you know what the Instant Relationship is, and all the behavior that goes along with it that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like you're in an instant relationship with a man. That is, unless you want to send him running for the hills.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere - when you can quickly shift things into gear with a few small changes that will have the man you want PURSUING YOU for a relationship. =)
Comments
Post a Comment
Thanks for reading =)